Honor the Weaker Vessel

Lately, I've gone back and studied something a little more in-depth than I have in the past that has a tremendous bearing on our spiritual walk with God. I've studied this in the past, but I didn't have the same context in my own life then that I do now. It has to do with some commands from God, and with marriage. Now, when God gives us a command or tells us to do something, that means that whatever He is telling us to do is against our natural nature. It's not something that would be natural for us to do without Him telling us to go do it. 

This statement might appear a bit confusing on the surface so let me explain a bit more. Think of breathing. God didn't have to tell us to remember to breathe every ten seconds, it's a part of our natural, uncorrupted, God-given nature. God didn't have to tell us to sleep at night, that's natural for us to do. We get tired, so naturally we go and sleep. 

Now, no one likes to think that without being told to do something against their nature, they wouldn't do it, especially the things that are considered to make us “good people.” The ironic thing is that most of the people using that phrase don't really believe in God at all, yet they have a moral code that, at least in some part, is taken directly from the morals God handed down. Most people believe it's wrong to take what doesn't belong to you, but they don't really have a good explanation as to why that is outside of going back to God for an explanation. If a child isn't taught that stealing is wrong, they will still be stealing as an adult. We can look at many of the communities around America and see this to be the truth. 

When God gives us a command to not steal, He is telling us to do something that runs contrary to our corrupt human nature, and it is the same for every command He gave whether in the Old or New Testament. What this tells us is that if we are commanded to do something, then we are going to have to work at it because it won't come naturally to us; rather it comes far more naturally for us to do the opposite of the command. This presents a disturbing but accurate picture as we approach today's topic, but all the more as we look at the other commands given in the New Testament. God tells us to flee sexual immorality, which must mean that left to ourselves we would not flee it. Our pride rebels at the thought of that, yet looking at the world around us, we have a prime example of what people left to themselves will do. 

Not only do they not flee sexual immorality, they wallow in it. When someone leaves the Church or claims Christ and doesn't actually match their actions to that claim, one of the first things they often fall into is sexual immorality of one sort or another. This means that as Christians, we've got to be on guard against this because it is against our human nature to flee from sexual immorality. 

This background is essential to today's topic because I find it necessary to emphasize the fact that it is unnatural for us to behave the way we will talk about, to think in this way, and to discipline ourselves in this way; in fact, it's more natural for us to do the opposite. Let's turn over to 1st Peter to get going. This is part of the section where Peter is giving commands to the married, and in the previous verses, Peter addresses how wives ought to behave, but here, we find instructions for the husbands. 

1 Peter 3:7 NKJV — Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.

There's a lot to be unpacked just in this one verse, and multiple posts could be written, but the part I'd like to focus on today is giving honor to the wife as the weaker vessel. Some people don't like this section because it says that women are weaker than men, and many have different explanations that try to theologize their way out of this verse being anything more than a cute figure of speech that really has no bearing on our lives. The same reaction is given to any scripture that people find convicting that would require a change of beliefs or lifestyle. Rather than reading the Bible to see what in their life needs a change, they read the Bible to try to validate the way they are already living. Again, this goes back to the fact that God's way is unnatural to our corrupt human nature. 

For the purpose of this post, the point is simply that women are weaker than men. We can save for another discussion whether that applies just physically, or whether it's also mental, emotional, endurance, etc. The focus of this post is on the instruction given to men because women are the weaker ones. According to our corrupt human nature, it is natural for us to look down upon and resent those who are weaker than us. We consider them less valuable, less worthy of love, and of less use because they are weak. Here, we are given a command that runs contrary to our corrupt human nature, and it is to honor the wife in spite of that weakness. 

Let's take a closer look at that word “honor,” though. It doesn't quite sum up the spirit of what God is getting at here, and we need a better English word to base our conduct off of. The Greek word is Time (tee-may), and it actually means value, specifically the price paid for something of great value. Think bride price, or the price paid to purchase a wife. A great example of this is when Paul tells us we are bought with a price, and that word for price is the same word!

1 Corinthians 6:20 KJV — For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's.

As husbands, we are supposed to value our wives and to place great value upon the specific roles and contributions they bring to the marriage. Every wife wants to know that she is valued, that she is worth something to her husband and she is needed! She wants to know that her role, that she herself, is irreplaceable. She wants to be precious. 

It's not natural for us as men to take this view of our wives. Our corrupt human nature is bent on seeing them as less valuable because of their weakness, but here God is saying “No! That's not correct, that's not okay! Just because I created them weaker than you does not make them less valuable! They have the same spiritual potential that you as men do! They have an irreplaceable role, and they must be valuable to you!”

What God is trying to get across here is beyond important; it is vital to our very spiritual life. Our relationship with God depends upon us valuing our wives. This isn't talking about valuing our wives for their housekeeping, cooking, or the way they look. While we are thankful for these things, they are all replaceable in an instant; while they are very important roles and jobs to be sure, their value goes beyond this basic sort of value. 

1 Peter 2:7 KJV — Unto you therefore which believe he is precious: but unto them which be disobedient, the stone which the builders disallowed, the same is made the head of the corner,

 

Who is this talking about? 

To give you a clue where I am going with this, “precious,” here, is that same Greek word for value that we see used later when talking about our wives. Only it's not talking about our wives here, is it? 

No, it's talking about our savior Jesus Christ. He holds an irreplaceable role in our lives both spiritually and physically, and Peter tells us to value Him. This is the sort of value we must ascribe to our wives! They play an irreplaceable role in our lives physically and spiritually that goes far beyond their housekeeping abilities. Only a woman can make a house a home, and only our wife is our Ezer, our comparable helper. They are our spiritual battle companions, and far too few of us take this as seriously as it demands, and very few recognize this at all. We were given our wives to care for and lead by God, and we cannot do a proper job if we don't recognize the value they bring with them! 

There is a dichotomy with recognizing this value, however, as with all things. Too far to one side and it becomes idolatry, yet too far to the other side and it becomes abuse. We have to find the balance where we value our wives to the extent we are supposed to without becoming either abusive, indifferent, or idolaters. Our wives must become precious in our sight, of great value, but we cannot make them equal with God. We must not lose our ability to lead and teach them as the idolater loses his; we must not give up our role in ascribing value to theirs. At the same time, we need to also show them and let them know that they are valuable to us. It doesn't do a lot of good if we value them and they don't know it; if they don't feel valued. 

I am not sitting here as one who is perfect at this, in fact, I have met only a few men who even approach perfection in this matter. I admire these men very much, but I have far to go before I get to the point of being great, let alone perfect, in this matter. Rather than a sermon, these are my studies that I am sharing with you with a desire that you may find them at least half as interesting as I have. Growth is a long process, and once you are done, you die. Learning how to value our life partner, our wife, is one of the greatest challenges many marriages face. It does not come naturally, hence the command from God to value our wives. To find them precious in their weakness, and value them for the strengths God has given them rather than looking for them to be strong in areas they were not created to be. 

Proverbs 31:10-11 KJV — Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.

A good wife is hard to find and holds a value far above the greatest of treasures. When it likens Christ to a husband and the Church to His wife-to-be, He puts great value on her. Compared to Jesus, the Church is weak in every way, far weaker than Him, but does that stop Jesus from valuing her? 

Does Jesus look down on the Church and despise it for its weaknesses?

Far be it! No, Jesus not only finds value in the Church, He values her so much that He comes down to Earth in the form of a man and goes to her creditors. He makes a deal with her evil masters and buys her freedom from slavery with His own blood! Jesus puts such value on the Church that she is worth giving His very own life for her! He is the penultimate example of what a good husband is, and that is the reason so many New Testament authors use Him as the example of the role and behavior husbands should follow.

Knowing this, what are some areas where Jesus values the Church that we can look to for our example?

He fights for her, lays down His life for her, provides for her, serves and protects her, and listens to her! That last one is a big one that comes up every day in our marriage relationships. I'm not great at this one, but it makes my wife feel very valued when I do it. Simply just sitting down and listening to my wife is one of the greatest gifts I can give to her. Jesus is always listening to us, and He always hears our prayers. He wants to hear what is on our minds and to have a relationship with us. Another way of saying it is that He always gives us His time. 

Another vital aspect of what our Savior did, and what we as husbands must do is redemption. Jesus redeemed us from our sins and saved us from the death we deserved. This is the price paid for His bride, and similarly, it is the price we pay for ours. We wash them with the word and teach them laying down our lives for them daily to give them life. We provide for them physically and spiritually just as Christ does for us.

Revelation 1:5 NKJV and from Jesus Christ, the faithful witness, the firstborn from the dead, and the ruler over the kings of the earth. To Him who loved us and washed us from our sins in His own blood,

Ephesians 5:25-28 NKJV Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,

26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word,

27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.

28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.

Washing our wives spiritually and redeeming them is a huge part of our role and essential to valuing them the way we ought to. It's the price we pay to have them as our wives, and it is the price Jesus paid for us. If we value our wife, we will lay down our life for her every day.

When we talk about things that we ought to do I consistently run into someone who is unhappy that I only addressed one thing and not every part of it, or only addressed women and not men, but that is how a study works. You pick a topic and study it, and especially with a topic like this where a single verse could be multiple posts, there is simply no time to branch out into other topics. The topic of valuing our wives according to the Bible is a much more involved one and is far more nuanced than we’ve been able to get into today, but hopefully, this serves as a good introduction. 

God gives us commands because His nature is contrary to our human nature and it is something we have to work for and learn. In the area of valuing our wives, this command could take a lifetime to perfect. Ask yourself a few questions to see where you stand in terms with this command. Do you value your wife beyond the tasks she can accomplish? 

Does she know that she is irreplaceable to you? 

Running contrary to our corrupt human nature can be pretty challenging, but it is doable. If we do not align with a command, then we need to change the way we operate until we do. It's not really optional if we truly desire to be like God.