What Is the Meaning of Forgiveness?

 There’s a famous quote, and I don’t know who first said it, but it goes like this: “Hatred is like drinking poison and hoping the other person will die.” Hatred, of course, often stems from a lack of forgiveness.

As Christians, we know that forgiving others is something God requires of us. Our Savior Jesus Christ told us, “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Mat. 6:14-15).

Just as God forgives us, so we forgive others when they do us wrong. What exactly does forgiveness mean, though? When and how should we forgive? Is there ever a time not to forgive?

In the Old Testament, there are five Hebrew words that mean “forgiveness.” They have the literal meaning of covering, lifting, or pardoning. In the New Testament, there are three Greek words that mean “forgiveness.” They literally mean to release, to pardon, to disregard or send away, or to show benevolence.

When we repent and accept Jesus Christ’s sacrifice for our sins, He covers us with His blood. He lifts our sins and takes them upon Himself. He pardons us from the death penalty. He sends away our sins and no longer calls them to mind.

When we forgive others, we cover over their offense so that we no longer hold it against them. We lift their offense and send it away, so that we no longer call it to mind. We forgive and forget. Obviously, we may not literally be able to forget an offense, but we no longer dwell on it or think about it.

Since the purpose of forgiveness — and the purpose of our entire life — is to become like God and develop His character, let’s first look at forgiveness from His perspective. How does He handle us and our shortcomings?

First of all, God is patient. He overlooks a lot and knows that we bear no resemblance to perfection: “For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust” (Psa. 103:14). Psa. 103:10 tells us, “He has not dealt with us according to our sins, nor punished us according to our iniquities.”

Jesus admonished us to “love your enemies… that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust” (Mat. 5:44, 45).

Secondly, God stands ready to forgive us. Psa. 86:5 tells us, “For You, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive, and abundant in mercy to all those who call upon You.” Neh. 9:17 adds, “But You are God, ready to pardon, gracious and merciful, slow to anger, abundant in kindness.”

However, although God is always ready to forgive, He doesn’t actually do so until we repent and ask Him for His forgiveness. When we know that we’ve sinned, we cannot make excuses or try to justify our actions with God; we must confess and pray for forgiveness.

King David wrote, “When I kept silent, my bones grew old through my groaning all the day long. For day and night Your hand was heavy upon me; my vitality was turned into the drought of summer. I acknowledged my sin to You, and my iniquity I have not hidden. I said, ‘I will confess my transgressions to the LORD,’ and You forgave the iniquity of my sin” (Psa. 32:3-5).

1 John 1:9 adds, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” Notice that God’s forgiveness depends upon our repentance.

Trying to hide our sins from God is like Adam and Eve trying to hide from Him in the Garden of Eden: it’s childish and laughable! There is no hiding from God, no possibility of hiding our sins. We must confess and repent, and then He will forgive us.

Once we repent and God forgives us, He blots out our sins and no longer bears them in mind. He promised, “Their sins and their lawless deeds I will remember no more” (Heb. 8:12; 10:17). When God forgives us, He doesn’t demand a guarantee that we will never sin again. He doesn’t keep reminding us of our past sins or holding them over our heads. He covers our sins, He lifts them off us, He blots them out.

That doesn’t necessarily mean we won’t suffer physical consequences of our choices. We may or may not; our Father knows best. When David committed adultery with Bathsheba and had her husband Uriah murdered, he subsequently repented and God forgave him (2 Sam. 12:13). Nevertheless, God still had to punish him as an example to others. David stole one man’s wife; his own son stole ten of his (2 Sam. 16:21; 20:3)! David had one man murdered; his infant son died, and at least three of his adult sons died violent deaths.

Remember, God’s number one interest is preparing us for His Kingdom. Our physical lives and comfort always take a back seat to that. Like David, we may have to experience consequences for our sinful actions, both for our good and for the good of others. That doesn’t mean God hasn’t forgiven us; it just means He knows what’s best for us.

Finally, God doesn’t keep score. There’s no rationing to His forgiveness. He doesn’t tell us, “I just forgave you yesterday; you’re out of luck today!” As long as we wholeheartedly repent of our sins and strive to change, He forgives us.

Now that we’ve seen how God forgives us, what does this mean for our relationships with other human beings? How do we become like God?

Firstly, we must be patient with others just as God is patient with us. Most of the time, we should overlook others’ offenses, because most of them will be minor. As 1 Cor. 13:4 tells us, “Love suffers long and is kind.” We should extend the same mercy and patience to others that we want God to show us, realizing that we ourselves have the same human nature everyone else has.

If someone harms us or sins against us, that’s a different matter. Luke 17:3 tells us, “If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him.”

A sin against us could involve spreading rumors about us, cheating us, or some other form of harm. It isn’t merely doing something we don’t like or saying something we don’t like. It’s not failing to treat us like a king or queen. It’s not failing to do exactly what we want when we want it. If we get upset about such trivial things, it says more about us than about the other person. Sinning against us involves harming us, not annoying us.

Secondly, let’s always stand ready to forgive others, just as God always stands ready to forgive us. We forgive when the person who sinned against us asks for our forgiveness. If someone does not ask for forgiveness, we should be ready to forgive them if and when they do.

Some people, unfortunately, refuse to admit any wrongdoing and get angry at any hint of correction, no matter how gently one might try to go about it. If they do admit any wrongdoing, they’ll blame you or someone else for their own actions. This is not a sincere apology or repentance, and should not be accepted as such.

Jam. 5:16 tells us, “Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another.” This involves a genuine admission of wrongdoing, just as we must do when we repent before God. 

Once the offender has confessed and asked for our forgiveness, we ought to be just as quick to forgive as our heavenly Father is. Again, this means we blot out their transgression, we stop dwelling on it, we stop thinking about it at all.

When we forgive, we shouldn’t keep holding the person’s sins over their head or keep reminding them. We shouldn’t even dwell on it ourselves, but put it out of our minds. There should be no bitterness or anger left in our hearts. Jesus emphasized that whoever does not forgive “from his heart” will not be forgiven by the Father (Mat. 18:35).

If we keep dwelling on someone else’s sins, that they’ve already repented of, then we haven’t forgiven them. If we keep reminding them of those sins, then we haven’t forgiven them. If we don’t forgive, then God will not forgive us.

Like our heavenly Father, we also must not keep score. “Then Peter came to Him and said, ‘Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?’ Jesus said to him, ‘I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven’” (Mat. 18:21-22).

Jesus further admonished us, “Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times in a day returns to you, saying, ‘I repent,’ you shall forgive him” (Luke 17:3-4).

Whenever we get tired of forgiving someone, or begin to run out of patience, let us remember how many times God has forgiven us and that He is more merciful to us than we can even comprehend!

What should we do when someone apologizes for sinning against us, but continues in the same behavior? Is that person, perhaps, using apologies as a license for bad behavior?

Suppose, for instance, someone lies about you, apologizes, and then does it again immediately thereafter. And suppose that this continues for some time. Or suppose that a “man” beats his wife, apologizes and promises not to do it again, but then does it again anyway. What should we do then?

David, a man after God’s own heart (Acts 13:22), set us an example in this regard. He rebuked King Saul for hunting him and trying to kill him, accepted Saul’s apologies, but recognized that Saul wasn’t actually going to change his behavior (1 Sam. 24, 26). So David kept his distance from Saul. He didn’t allow himself to harbor bitterness against King Saul, but he also distanced himself for his own safety.

So, too, we are to take note of those who walk in sin and refuse to change, even when rebuked. We are to distance ourselves from them.

2 Tim. 3:2-5 tells us, “But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come: for men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away!”

Remember the Apostle Paul’s admonition, “Do not be deceived: ‘Evil company corrupts good habits’” (1 Cor. 15:33). Therefore, for our own spiritual health, we have to distance ourselves from the unrepentant wicked. If we cannot physically distance from them, we have to at least distance ourselves emotionally and spiritually.

When the words and actions of an evil person do not align, as King Saul’s words and actions didn’t align, we must believe the actions over the words. Remember, repentance involves change.

Nevertheless, we must not seek revenge against those who do us wrong. God tells us in Prov. 24:29, “Do not say, ‘I will do to him just as he has done to me; I will render to the man according to his work.’”

In fact, we must not even harbor anger or bitterness, but let our anger pass quickly. Eph. 4:26 tells us, "'Be angry, and do not sin': do not let the sun go down on your wrath."

Instead, we must step aside and trust God to handle our enemies. God’s Word instructs us, “Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to [God’s] wrath; for it is written, ‘Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord” (Rom. 12:19). Again, “The wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God” (Jam. 1:20).

In God’s own perfect time and way, He will bring about justice. No one is going to get away with anything.

We must continue to love and pray for our enemies — from a safe distance. We must continue to be ready to forgive them if and when they repent.

Thus, there should be no place for hatred or bitterness in our hearts. If someone merely annoys us, we should overlook it. If they sin against us and repent, we must forgive them. If they sin against and do not repent, we should love them anyway and let God deal with them.

Let’s always keep our focus on God and His Kingdom, and not allow anyone’s evil actions to distract us or pull us away!

What do you think about forgiveness? If you have any thoughts, any disagreements, or anything to add, let me know in the comments below!