Gentleness Is Manliness

 

In chicken soup for the soul, there is a story of a huge biker, the toughest guy you’d ever want to meet, covered in tattoos, piercings, and a vast scruffy beard, arrayed in leather vest and chaps and sporting heavy black boots. He has a face only a mother could love. Looking at him, you think to yourself, “This is one bad dude. He probably chews up cans for breakfast and spits out nails.” If you’d happen to get close to him and look closely, not at his eyes, of course. He isn’t the kind of person you want to make eye contact with. If you look closely at his vest, however, you might notice it wiggling, and if you watched it for a bit longer, you might see a tiny white kitten poke his head out of this biker’s vest. Astonished, you do a double-take and shake your head in wonder as this mountain of a man gently draws this tiny kitten out of his vest and cradles it in his palm while feeding it from his hand. This man radiates power and brute force, yet he cradles and cares for this kitten as tenderly as a mom for her children. He could crush it with one flex of his hand, yet he cradles it protectively. This mountainous man is exhibiting a paramount quality for Christians in general and men specifically to learn and practice. What is this quality that is so essential for us as Christians to display? This quality is called gentleness or meekness. 

When we men hear the word meekness, we sort of cringe inwardly. Who wants to be meek, after all? Isn’t meekness the same as weakness? Meekness is mouseness. Isn’t gentleness a womanly quality? It is indeed a womanly quality. Women are more naturally predisposed to gentleness. The purpose of this article is to show that while gentleness is more natural for women, it is essential for men to learn it. It isn’t a weakness to be gentle. In fact, gentleness may not be at all what you thought it to be. Christ was gentle. He drove the Pharisees out of the temple with a whip. As you might well think, that’s not very gentle, but we haven’t defined the word gentle yet. What is gentleness? 

Saint Francis de Sales says this about gentleness, “Nothing is so strong as gentleness, nothing so gentle as real strength.” 

Let’s look at Galatians 5:22-23: But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such, there is no law.

The word for gentleness in greek is Prautes (praýtēs). Prautes means: gentle-force and is a divine virtue possible only through faith. It is derived from Praotes (praótēs), which is strength in gentleness and emphasizes power or strength under control. Using the necessary force to get the job done; as Christ did when He drove the money lenders out of the temple, no less force than He needed, but not excessive force.

  

Let’s look at 1 Timothy 3:1-3: 

This [is] a faithful saying: If a man desires the position of a bishop, he desires a good work. A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, temperate, sober-minded, of good behavior, hospitable, able to teach; not given to wine, not violent, not greedy for money, but gentle, not quarrelsome, not covetous;

 In verse three, gentleness is listed as one of the essential traits an elder must possess. Elders must be able to deal with conflicts appropriately, and they must be able to take care of the flock! These traits listed here don’t just apply to elders. They apply to all men as noted in the next section talking about the qualifications for deacons.

1 Timothy 3:8 Likewise deacons [must be] reverent, not double-tongued, not given to much wine, not greedy for money,

Why does this apply to all men?* It is more important for men to be gentle than it is for women. Women have it naturally as part of the built-in motherliness and to keep us guys on an even keel. We guys don’t get gentleness naturally, yet we are the more powerful of the two sexes. We are the leaders in our families and the church, and we have physical power and authoritarian power. With great power comes great responsibility, to quote a famous movie, and we have a responsibility to use our power appropriately and to stay under control. The more power one has, the more he must learn gentleness. As the quote I read to you earlier puts it, the more you are gentle, the more true strength you have. Gentle of word and deed. Gentleness stems from a moral strength of character somewhere deeper than just mere self-control. It must become part of our character. To quote Leo Buscaglia, 

“Only the weak are cruel. Gentleness can only be expected from the strong.” 

We have a calling we must walk worthy of. In Ephesians 4:1-2 it says,

I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called, with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, 

To walk worthy of this calling, we must have humility and gentleness exercised with patience through love. In verse three, we see that we must make every effort to preserve the unity of the spiritual body through peace. Gentleness is a major part of preserving peace. The unity of the church is a serious matter in God’s eyes. We must do all we can to preserve the unity and peace of the congregation. This course requires strength and courage, both of which are contained in gentleness. 

Gentleness is a choice, and it takes tremendous strength of character to be gentle. Luke 6:29 springs to mind as an example of this gentleness we are called to. This is the verse where Christ says that if a man slaps you on one cheek, turn to him the other cheek. 

This slapping of the cheeks is not talking about assault and battery but is referring to an insult. Insults can be very hurtful, yet we are to ignore them. This requires gentleness. Christ Himself endured many insults throughout His life and bore them with gentleness. It takes a great deal of courage to bear these insults. Guess what? Men are called to be courageous. Let’s go to 1 Corinthians 16:13. There are many other places where men are called to be courageous, but this is one of my favorite spots because of the Greek word it uses to describe it. In verse thirteen, it says, 

“Be on guard. Stand firm in the faith. Be courageous. Be strong.” 

Depending on the translation you are using, it might appear that this section is talking to all Christians. However, once we get into the greek, we see something amazing. The Greek word used for courage is Andrízomai (an-drid'-zom-ahee) which is strong’s 407 and literally means manly men of courage. We are called to be manly men of courage. Courage is an important character trait for men to possess. It’s an important character trait for everyone, but especially men, for we are the defenders, protectors, and leaders of our families and churches. Every single one of these jobs requires courage. Going back to 1 Timothy chapter 3 we are going to look at verse twelve this time. 

Let deacons* be the husbands of one wife, ruling [their] children and their own houses well. 

These are instructions specifically to men and they answer a lot of questions such as can a man have more than one wife, and the main one we are going to look at today, are men supposed to be the protectors of their house and family? Let’s take a look at the word “ruling” and see what the original Greek has to say. The word in the original Greek is, ‘proistēmi’ and means to be a protector or guardian and to superintend. As men, we are supposed to be the protectors and guardians of our family, as written right in scripture!   

Going back to 1 Corinthians chapter 16 and in verse 14 now.

Let all [that] you [do] be done with love.

Everything is to be done with love. This includes gentleness, for true gentleness is born out of love. We are to love others as we love ourselves. When we are disciplining our children, correcting a brother in Christ, dealing with an employee, or talking to our spouse, we do so with love, and part of that love is doing it with gentleness. You see, gentleness is a foundational principle in every aspect of life and is essential for interpersonal relationships and treating everyone and everything in our life properly, with respect and love. True gentleness is love, self-control, patience, and kindness. Isn’t it interesting how none of the fruits of the spirit stand on their own, but all of them require elements of the others to be effective? The aspect of the spirit of gentleness I want to focus on for the moment is self-control. The greek word for self-control is Enkrateia (eng-krat'-i-ah) strong’s 1466, and it means self-mastery. To be power under control, you must be master of self. For most of us, this is only possible by way of the holy spirit. For men, we must learn self-control as part of gentleness. The man who rules himself is better than he who takes a strong city.(Proverbs 16:32) Self-control is the element that makes courage under fire possible. True manhood is born from the mental, not the physical aspects of the body.  

Men and women have different roles. As far as men go, we have been given the authority in the church and the family. We must protect and provide for those placed under our care by God. It is our responsibility, our duty before Him. This authority must be exercised with self-control as part of gentleness. When there is no gentleness, authority is abused. We see this whenever a husband beats his wife or children, or whenever a pastor over-exerts his authority. It’s easy to let authority go to our heads, but as men, we must look at leadership and authority from a biblical standpoint. 

Another aspect of authority is submission. If someone is leading, there must be someone to follow. Leadership and submission have a skewed view put on them by the world and even in the church. You have no worth or value unless you are a leader. Submission means blind obedience and is an inferior position to being the leader. Those who submit are worth less than those who lead. 

Submission is weakness. Leadership is strength.

Does this sound right to you?! Does this sound biblical?! 

Submission is strength and a major part of gentleness!! Not just for women but for men as well. All Christians! Christ submitted to the Father when He allowed Himself to be crucified. Being put in a leadership position does not make us more important or of more worth than those we lead. No one can lead without the submission of those He leads. Whether in the family or in the church, being the leader does not make you of more worth, nor does submitting make you inferior. They are different roles that God has called us to. Leadership is a huge responsibility, for the leader is responsible for those he leads. Leaders are supposed to be servants, not tyrants.  

Men must fill their roles! Sadly, the world is waging war on men’s and women’s roles, as we all know. They are trying to destroy the idea that God gave men and women different roles and placed men in authority. They have created a world of weak men, unwilling or unable to fill their God-given roles. This leads to the breakdown of the family and, in consequence, to the breakdown of society. We recognize this as a war on men and our God-given masculinity, redubbed toxic masculinity by society. What we don’t often recognize is that this is a war on women too. As society beats down men seeking to turn them into women, so they also push women into positions they weren’t created to fill and seek to turn them into men. Women are the strong stable support of the home. They are the ones who spend the most time teaching the children and giving them stability. No wonder Satan has long sought to make them seek employment and fulfillment outside of the home! Weak men and corporate women lead to no family structure and a next generation of weak people who lack the upbringing to have good marriages and raise families. 

One of the first qualities they drive out of men is gentleness. Power under control turns to simply timid weakness, and it is this timid weakness that springs to mind whenever someone reads that men are to be gentle. Whenever gentleness is mentioned, the image of Christ with a whip driving out the money changers springs to my mind. That is a prime example of power under control, not just raging and losing control to your anger. He had all the power in the world and He made a whip. Christ, by the way, would have been classified as toxically masculine in today’s day and age. Not only for that scene but for many other things as well. 

Men, we must be strong. By its very definition, power under control means that there must be power to control. We must have strength. Strength of character, mental strength, physical strength, and most importantly of all, spiritual strength. Our strength is not for our own glorification, but we are given strength to lend it to others in need through leadership, service, and sacrifice. As long as we have one of these areas of strength, spiritual strength which is a close relationship with God, He can help us in the areas we lack the others. As Exodus 15:2 says, “The Lord is my strength and song, and He has become my salvation!” When we train our bodies and minds, as we should, we train to help others. 

The greatest example of gentleness is God. He is gentle with us, and His mercy is gentle. When Jesus was being beaten, or when He was being led to the cross, a simple word from Him and unimaginable power would have been unleashed on those around Him yet He allowed Himself to be sacrificed for us. He could destroy any one of us when we sin, but He allows us an opportunity to repent. He has mercy on us, and we must have mercy on others. Mercy is only possible through gentleness. Without gentleness, that power under control, mercy would simply be weakness. 

In the course of this article, I have tried to show that gentleness is one of the manliest traits there is. It is something that must be developed and learned from other male role models. It is not weakness to be gentle. It is quite the opposite and it is necessary for us as Christians, men and leaders, for in the words of Han Suyin, “There is nothing stronger in the world than gentleness.” Gentleness is, indeed, the highest form of manliness.     

*See, ‘The Flabbergasting Reason Women Should Be Deacons and Ministers’ by Brett Gray