Satan's Little Friend: The "D" Word
Foreward To Truth (Hopefully)
Before we can talk about engagement, let alone marriage, we must look at the subject of divorce. Divorce is naturally a touchy subject, so if I step on anyone's toes with the following article, whether you feel what is written is too light or too harsh of an approach, this is, simply put, the understanding I have of these verses.
If you have a different opinion, please feel free to respond with a scriptural reason why you disagree. With that being said, I realize, of course, that this can be and is a very emotional subject for some, and I will do my best to respect that, but you can't get to the truth of what the Bible has to say through emotion.
Set Them Free
Divorce is the legal action of nullifying a marriage union and is only a legal action. It doesn't tap into the spiritual aspect of marriage in the slightest. When we speak of divorce, it is an invention of man, and it is not something that God created or ever intended for us. When we get married, we make a three-way covenant: God, the man, and the woman. This raises the question, "Is a marriage actually a marriage when God is not involved?" Since He is the one who created marriage, it stands to reason that it is not. However, that is a question to be answered at another time. When we think of divorce in human terms, we think of the permanent separation of spouses with the freedom to marry another person. The problem with this is that, once again, we run into the fact that marriage is a holy institution of God. What is of God cannot be changed by man, so there is a fundamental flaw in our basic understanding of divorce. What does the Bible have to say about what divorce is? Well, in the first place, we must understand what it is that men are trying to separate.
Gen 2:24 NKJV Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
A union where two become one flesh is typically the statement that goes with this, which is quite serious all by itself, but when we pair it with this next scripture, the seriousness of this bond we are talking about becomes even more apparent.
Mat 19:5-6 NKJV "and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'?
6 "So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate."
What God has joined together. There we have our three-way covenant. God is the joiner; he is the one who creates the marriage union. Now I think we begin to see the seriousness of this union, this bond created by God between two humans, a male, and a female. Man cannot create this bond; it is a gift and a creation from God. The word used for join here in Greek is syzeúgnymi which means to yoke together and lends to the idea of not being unequally yoked. God yokes the two together, and they pull as one. Can man ever separate what God has joined together?
Rev 3:7 NKJV "And to the angel of the church in Philadelphia write, 'These things says He who is holy, He who is true, "He who has the key of David, He who opens and no one shuts, and shuts and no one opens":
Obviously, if God joins something together, we cannot possibly separate it, so what, then, do we make of scriptures such as these?
Deu 24:1 NKJV "When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some uncleanness in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, puts [it] in her hand, and sends her out of his house,
Here, the Israelites were allowed to send away their wife if they weren't satisfied with her. Interestingly this is the only place in the old testament where divorce is specifically allowed and occurs in a section where Moses is giving commands to the Israelites. This is one of the things Christ addressed and corrected in His time on earth.
Mat 19:6-9 NKJV "So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate."
7 They said to Him, "Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?"
8 He said to them, "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.
9 "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery."
Here, Christ plainly says that they were permitted to divorce by Moses because of the hardness of their hearts. It was never intended to be that way, however. The one scripture in favor of a full-on divorce is answered and corrected by Christ.
Before we break Christ's statement about divorce down, let's take a look at what God thinks of divorce. Let's look at a section in the book of Malachi that, in its severeness and bluntness, lies a certain beautiful unsaid statement.
Mal 2:15-16 NKJV Mal 2:14 NLT You cry out, "Why doesn't the LORD accept my worship?" I'll tell you why! Because the LORD witnessed the vows you and your wife made when you were young. But you have been unfaithful to her, though she remained your faithful partner, the wife of your marriage vows.
15 But did He not make [them] one, Having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring. Therefore take heed to your spirit, And let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth.
16 "For I hate divorce!" says the LORD, the God of Israel. "For it covers one's garment with violence," Says the LORD of hosts. "Therefore take heed to your spirit, That you do not deal treacherously."
Ah! The LORD hates divorce! That is such a strong and passionate statement! He hates divorce, and yet with the same unsaid breath, He declares just how much He loves marriage! Divorce covers one's garments with violence! What a vivid description! The purpose He desires for marriage is to produce godly offspring, but how can that happen if the parents separate? It creates chaos, and we all know who the author of chaos and confusion is!
If They Come Back
With God's thoughts on divorce in mind, let's take another look at Christ's statement about it.
Mat 19:9 NKJV "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery."
Interestingly, it is only in this account that Christ makes reference to sexual immorality as a reason for divorce. In Mark's account, He simply says this:
Mar 10:11-12 NKJV So He said to them, "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her.
12 "And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery."
Why would a remarriage after a divorce constitute adultery? This goes back to the fact that divorce is a legal proceeding only and cannot nullify a covenant with God. We can see the reason for this in God's own marriage example with Israel.
Jer 3:8 NKJV "Then I saw that for all the causes for which backsliding Israel had committed adultery, I had put her away and given her a certificate of divorce; yet her treacherous sister Judah did not fear, but went and played the harlot also.
Later on in the chapter, we see how God views divorce and His definition of it.
Jer 3:8, 22 NKJV "Then I saw that for all the causes for which backsliding Israel had committed adultery, I had put her away and given her a certificate of divorce; yet her treacherous sister Judah did not fear, but went and played the harlot also. ...
22 "Return, you backsliding children, [And] I will heal your backslidings." "Indeed we do come to You, For You are the LORD our God.
Israel still has a chance to return to God! They are still bound by the marriage covenant they made even though He gave them a certificate of divorce. They still have an opportunity to return to God and resume their relationship with Him as they will in the future. This take on this section is backed up by the apostle Paul's writings on divorce.
1Co 7:10-11 NKJV Now to the married I command, [yet] not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from [her] husband.
11 But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to [her] husband. And a husband is not to divorce [his] wife.
If they can't dwell together, they are allowed to separate, but there is to be no remarriage because that marriage covenant is irrevocably in place even if they get a legal divorce. There is always to be that opening for reconciliation and the resumption of the marriage. What, then, did Christ mean when He said that a man could divorce his wife for reasons of sexual immorality and remarry? Sexual immorality with no repentance is ultimately sexual immorality against God. This leads to a difficult situation where there is one believing, and one spouse who has rejected God, for the lack of repentance shows a rejection of God. It is this rejection of God that allows for remarriage after a legal divorce. This brings us to one of the only two reasons remarriage is allowed in the Bible.
1Co 7:12-13, 15 NKJV But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her.
13 And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. ...
15 But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such [cases]. But God has called us to peace.
This section explicitly deals with a situation where one person joins the Church, but their spouse does not. This is the only situation where one spouse leaves the other that remarriage is allowed. The phrase not being content to dwell only applies to this situation and cannot be transferred into situations where both spouses are believers.
Death Separates the Best of Friends and the Worst of Enemies
Next, we come upon the only true reason divorce, and remarriage is allowed in the Bible. Death. Death is the only way to nullify a covenant of this serious nature. Remember, marriage is not man's creation it is an institution placed into effect by God. He creates every marriage union, and man does not have the authority or power to declare the covenant void.
1Co 7:39 NKJV A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.
Only through the death of one spouse can the covenant be nullified.
Rom 7:2-3 NKJV For the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to [her] husband as long as he lives. But if the husband dies, she is released from the law of [her] husband.
3 So then if, while [her] husband lives, she marries another man, she will be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from that law, so that she is no adulteress, though she has married another man.
Can there be spiritual death as well as physical? Would this explain Christ's instructions on divorce? This question became difficult enough that it required an entire study of its own which can be found here. The answer is yes. Death Can be spiritual and far more devastating than physical death. Broken down, spiritual death is caused by committing sexual immorality with God and being unrepentant of this sin. This rejection of God causes spiritual death and the nullification of the marriage covenant. Remember, the marriage covenant is not with each other; it is made with and joined by God.
Men cannot nullify what God has put in place. It is inconceivable that we, as believers, should even try! Divorce as a permanent separation and excuse for remarriage is a human creation and has no biblical basis. What does have a biblical basis is a temporary separation with no option for remarriage. Even in cases of sexual immorality, as long as there is repentance, there should be forgiveness and reconciliation.
There is seemingly an exception to this in the books of Ezra and Nehemiah, but are they really? They put away their unbelieving wives, even though Paul said to dwell together as long as the unbelieving spouse is pleased to dwell. The answer to this takes us back to the fact that believers cannot marry outside of the Church, no matter what. Paul was speaking of an instance where one spouse of an already-married couple joins the Body of Christ, but the other does not. In Ezra, these people who were already believers married unbelievers, which God calls an abomination.
Same as with homosexual marriage, you cannot make a covenant that violates God's law. This is the difference between these two situations.
What about situations that involve abuse? Am I saying that you cannot get a divorce and remarry in those situations?
Frankly, no. I am not. What I say has no bearing on the situation at all. What the Bible is saying is that divorce isn't even humanly possible; there must be a death. Sure, you can separate for a time and remove the children while the abusive spouse gets the help they need. That is acceptable.
There isn't an option for remarriage in the case of a legal divorce unless the abusive spouse rejects God and dies that spiritual death. If the process laid out below is followed and the spouse does not repent, they have died spiritually. If it is an unbelieving spouse committing the abuse, then it shows that they are no longer pleased to dwell. This is only the case if one spouse is an unbeliever. Spiritual death as a reason for divorce and remarriage occurs only when one spouse commits unrepented-of sexual immorality against God through the breaking of His law.
This failure to repent after breaking His law and following the ways of the world is then a rejection of God's Holy Spirit. The process for determining whether or not someone has rejected God's spirit is laid out in Matthew and 1st Corinthians. This process requires prayer and fasting and is no light matter.
Mat 18:15-18 NKJV "Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother.
16 "But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that 'by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.'
17 "And if he refuses to hear them, tell [it] to the Church. But if he refuses even to hear the Church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.
18 "Assuredly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.
1Co 6:1-4 NKJV Dare any of you, having a matter against another, go to law before the unrighteous, and not before the saints?
2 Do you not know that the saints will judge the world? And if the world will be judged by you, are you unworthy to judge the smallest matters?
3 Do you not know that we shall judge angels? How much more, things that pertain to this life?
4 If then you have judgments concerning things pertaining to this life, do you appoint those who are least esteemed by the Church to judge?
When approached from this angle, there should never be a divorce where both parties remain a part of the Church of God. One party has to die. Until that happens, there is no remarriage on either side of the coin. A legal divorce cannot dissolve a spiritual union. You can separate, but you are not divorced in God's eyes.
Divorce is a human creation that attempts to break an institution created by God, and it fails miserably. You cannot legislate a holy institution. God makes the rules, not us. Marriage is a beautiful creation and a wonderful gift in the picture of Christ's desired relationship with us, His future bride. Humans have attempted to corrupt it, but God has preserved His institution for all time in His written word if only we have eyes to see. This is the beauty of marriage, and it is the ugliness of divorce; Satan invented divorce to divide up the family and obscure the plan God has for us. Divorce is diametrically opposite to God's institution of marriage. This is the abomination of homosexuality and transgenderism, as well.
The destruction of the family is Satan's greatest weapon in the war on God's people. When viewed with a Biblical lens, the subject of divorce becomes clear. We, as humans, cannot divorce what God has joined together.
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